I'm sure you're proud of your writings :P Looks good, I only skimmed, but I'm tired and about to go to bed.
"Now she thinks him mostly a loose cannon. A crazy loose cannon. A crazy, stupid loose cannon, which is covered in moron and dipped in idiot sauce. Tawny could think worse, but she's a forgiving kind of person… "
Wow, it must be nice to have a cleric with a sense of humour :P